Toshizou's reservations on receiving Genen's first request to review the legislation were obvious. He was not there at the moment and had only visited briefly while all were wearing their finest smiles as they went about their business. They always do when he visited. He did not know the political and process landscape in which this ruling would settle and take life. He was also aware that he could not communicate as dynamically as he would like by static letter, not knowing anyone at the table, and understanding that change was always a difficult thing for those who lived dogmatically and had change brought upon them from outside. But the first request was a simple one, and the process progressed simply, if not somewhat abruptly without feedback from Genen. He wrote it, and it suddenly was. The second request was more complex, but went as quickly, again without a word, it suddenly, with minor changes, was. This time there was a strain to it that reminded him he knew this method to be a bad idea. These things should wait until he arrived to stay, but perhaps Genen was in a position that might require expediency. Genen wasn't one to write home much, so how was one to know?
It was the inevitable end of a series of assumptions. It started with a mindset that Toshizou had gathered together and refined over the years, shaped hard by recent events, and it was this filter that gave credence to his apparently mistaken assumptions. The third letter from Genen, the admonition as Toshizou called it, followed Toshizou's response to the second request. As seen through this filter, it was terse. It didn't so much as nod to the work they had done. In fact, it didn't mention it at all, so Toshizou was left without knowing its impact. He left the words of the admonition with a feeling Genen didn't like what they had done with the second request under Toshizou's guidance, and that what Genen wanted from them was nothing at all, just their approval of what already existed. This wasn't what he understood from the man's request to "review and revise to fit your plans", but it was clear from the second line of the admonition that, "my goal for you was to implement what is here now and that won't change when you get here." Well... a challenging requirement, being that he did not know what was there now, and he didn't know what would need changing. These were his initial reservations about doing this, incarnate. He had decided he needed to respond to Genen with his concerns that these things should wait until Toshizou arrived. At first he wrote long and explaining, but decided to be brief and discarded most of what he had written. In this crude tailoring he realizes now his message was lost and he might seem to be upset and pouting. While this was true to some extent, it wasn't the message he had wanted to convey to Genen. He had made a mistake. He simply wanted Genen to wait until he got there, and to make it clear to Genen he should not be toyed with. Genen wrote back that the ruling was put in place, and ended with a note that he would call on Toshizou to appear about this, and that he hoped Toshizou was well. What, Toshizou mused, might this mean?
His coffee, hot still, but more bitter than he had intended since he was shaving off his sugar intake, washed down his quickly mixing feelings. On one hand he felt dismissed, and on the other he was confused over expectations, and add to that he was the one feeling a bit contrite; Genen's words may seem harsh but it was clear on re-reading his tone was purposefully not. Toshizou had made the assumption that the man meant for them to review and revise, for that is what Genen had written. The second assumption is that he didn't understand what was happening, which was less of an assumption and more of an observation, but he had a feeling he understood better than he allowed. A third assumption was that Genen was very upset, for how Toshizou had written the second ruling and that he had included others in his counsel (Genen, in the admonition, stated he thought it unwarranted at this stage. This confused Toshizou, since he was not aware of what other stages might be and when others might contribute to what would ultimately affect them, for as he had worried, he was not there).
The expected call to appear over his childish response to Genen's admontion had yet to ring through, and he was variably nervous and defiant: one did not encourage the wrath of a royal unless one was wanton with one's peril. He had not intended to upset Genen, but the prince had to understand that he was not a pawn, otherwise he could be easily and ill used. He could have softened his tone, Toshizou thought, had he not allowed his filter to be quite so porous, and had instead simply nodded. But he had felt he had a duty to stand up for himself, and so set himself upon his sword.
The other set of assumptions revolved around the notion that Genen was actually upset. Genen did not know him any more than he knew Genen. It could well be that Genen, stressed as he surely was in this situation, somewhat out of his element, had written the admonition without implication, had now seen his own mistake and was contrite. This wasn't, however, in Toshizou's experience, not so much with Genen, but with leaders in general. So he awaited the call, and drilled painful holes in his stomach with bitter coffee. The pain of waiting made harsher in that the two notes from Genen to follow made no mention of the meeting to come.
He was aware that so much angst followed assumptions made as a matter of course. We make these assumptions, he knew, in order to remain alive, to see and avoid danger. Unfortunately enough prove true, enough to make the process remain in the quiver. But it also caused, as it was now, unwanted grief and stress. Unlike canvas, the matter would not become softer by worrying it. This was far easier to accept and understand than to practice. This is why, while it was one of his delineated rules with a number of its own: don't make assumptions, he made them constantly. All of this made him weary, trying to stay alive in the world of rather unpredictable and vicarious people with power over him, contrasting with doing what they asked him to do, or, he shrugged, at least trying to do what he thinks they are asking of him. The thing, he knew, was to do it without making them look less than.
There is no pleasing some people, he thought as he shuffled through the pastries on the plate, ignoring the fruit he knew to be better for him. He found one with a cream cheese center, took a generous bite, and softened his next sip of coffee with its sweetness. Perhaps that what was called for here. Some sweet with the bitter. It depended on how bitter the bitter was to be... This might be another time to simply nod, he smirked.
The problem, really, is that simply nodding wasn't his nature. He was going to need more cream cheese pastries if he was going to survive this. And, rubbing his sharply pained stomach, less bitter coffee.
Posted with Blogsy