She is probably abused at home,
Her children too,
And so she watches silently, passive,
In that way.
As the child commands her in word, action, inaction.
He is old enough to know.
Young enough not to.
We work through it together,
Giving when we can give,
Letting go when we cannot,
And we care for the child.
He remains defiant, though with me unsure,
He giggles as he defies, and I work with it.
In the end we are done, we all win.
I leave, faith that I have done well by them.
But then he refuses, curls into a ball, and feigns sleep,
Time goes by, and by, and by again,
She stands forlorn, saying nothing, doing nothing, tired.
The nurse sees them lingering, and tells the boy its time to go,
"I will carry you...", mom begs softly.
Nothing changes, he does not relent.
Time passes by, and by, and by again.
I wonder, and venture, and find him smiling asleep,
Lean in, whisper "Its time to go." He ignores.
I stroke his cheek and cajole with a determination he understands,
"You will listen to your mother because she loves you,
You will listen to me because I do too.
Its time to go. Sit up and walk.
Your mother cannot carry you.
She has carried you far too far already...".
I am, I think, her champion, her friend.
He slyly smiles, sits up, then slides towards the floor,
She catches him but he is too big.
Maybe all men leave her, I leave her, and it must injure.
Time again goes by, and by, and by again,
Mom suddenly charges out half carrying him,
He is a heavy, heavy, burden she must carry,
All hate and spittle, invective forth,
Coming apart down to her soul.
"How dare you, it is not your place!"
I abjure, seeing the pain but lost,
And she screams a circle of anger, hate and powerlessness, shame.
"I did what someone had to do, it was my place, perhaps not my time..."
But words she cannot hear, too far gone into her despair.
Time passes by, and by, and by again,
But she is relentless, and relentless still.
Suddenly she and they are gone in shocking silence.
Time goes by, and by, and by again.
Our day is done, we leave.
She awaits outside for me, and screams again,
Relentless and unrelenting.
Burning me in her hell,
follows me in her car, her words unrecognized.
Their pain cannot miss,
Her heartbreak pounds me,
And my heart cracks, knowing that it is not me she hates,
But me who will need to endure.
In this moment
She hates everything and I am here where everything is not,
And so she burns me,
And she will burn me again, and again,
Because I remind her that she is less than,
Though I know
She is not.
She has broken my heart,
For breaking hers...
And this
I must endure...
Fingers will point,
And words will refrain,
"How dare you! It was not your place!"
And I will endure,
Heartbroken.
