I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.

~ Douglas Adams

And so, here I am.

Saturday, September 16, 2023

Our Greatest Shame Is Our Most Desired Dream

 The natural state of humanness is lonely despair. We are sad and anxious beings who are constantly seeking glimmers of happiness and calm. We don’t have to work to be sad, we describe “finding happiness”, but not “finding sadness”, because that’s where we live every one of our days.

I see two kinds of people in relation to their sadness. Those who see it in others and want them to not be sad and lonely, and those so lost in their sadness that they hate that others might find a moment of happiness. The latter rampage their sadness and spill it out over others. The first lends a hand the other throws a fist.

We see it every day. Most are in between, limiting their kindness to those of their perceived tribe (no one really belongs anywhere, another source of happiness we constantly seek), or offering it only when it’s convenient. Many pretend to be kind, but their soul remains dark and it’s done for illusion. Then there are the narcissists who charm but destroy, increasing their own happiness by taking it from others purposefully to protect themselves.

We have the ability to change this. The haters tend to be believers in capitalism, the manifestation of the practice of divide and conquer, unable to see that they are not capitalists, but rather workers bringing riches to the real capitalists, who spray them with the cat piss of corporate cheerleading and marketing to make them believe the other guy is going to steal their cookie. The capitalists are all narcissists by definition, gaslighting us into hating one another and giving us the means to do so . We teach that “you have yours through character and hard work, make them get their own!”, throwing that fist, instead of teaching, “you have yours, that one does not, be kind and share, asking not if they are worthy, for they are worthy simply for being.”  All we must do is believe that everyone is worthy of love and happiness, and then share that everyone should be happy and safe.

That, by the way, is wokeness, the core of social democracy, the belief that we are all one community and each owes one another the necessities of living, and that we are not lead by kings, but by commoners like ourselves. Wokeness is an effort to understand that all of us are equal and worthy of love, dignity, happiness. We all have a right to shelter, clothing, food, education, medical care, our culture, our histories, our loved ones… giving these makes all of us richer, no one lives in the poverty of any of these rights.

Capitalism is the antithesis of what it means to be human. It is a throwback to the days of fighting to survive as individuals. The moment we came together as families, then communities, we had the opportunity to progress to humanity: one caring for another, all caring for all. But we chose tribalism, hoarding and denying compassion, love and respect. We sought division to identify worthiness in every element of being alive, so we could hoard for security and power, and in doing so, we accepted that some would suffer and die simply because we identified them as deserving to suffer and die for being less than. Those not of our perceived tribe deserved their lot, and in fact we guarantee it with our behaviors, our laws, our words to our children and one another. All this has done is brought hate, unhappiness, fear, famine, war, disease, poverty and all their shames. Happiness and safety empower you. They want you afraid that you will lose your home, the ability to feed and clothe your family, to educate if you don't accept thei inadequate wages and working conditions (this is exactly what Eisner of Disney said about SAG-AFTRRA stikers in 2023: go ahead, strike until you lose everything and grovel for less). Literature is rife with this tale of these inequities for millenia. Think of what a universal income, healthcare and education would change for you overnight; you would never live in fear of their loss again. You could work only for those conditions that were fair and competetive for YOU not employers. They need you to be hungry and afraid. If this is to define humanity, what was the point of developing sentience and empathy?

And we know this. We describe this inhumanity in our writings, our plays, our poetry, we share moments of kindness between animals, between humans and we gush. We lament that there are too few who care about others as much as themselves, who see the beauty and joy in kindness. But there is hope, because many of the haters, those who frame this as morality, see and feel the joy of a glimmer of kindness. That there are so many who do not is where the darkness lives. Yes, this too is a division, but it’s not one that seeks to empower itself at the expense of others, rather it is to see those who most need kindness, compassion, and love. That those very ones see this as weakness does not define us woke people, it defines them as needing those very things they despise.

They will continue to divide and hate, claim the high moral ground as their own, and see those who do not as weak. We could react with anger and disdain, and we should, but what we do with that should be love, compassion and kindness. The irony of this, that most of those haters are religious who would describe this as a tenet of their faith while they in practice offer nothing of the sort (even to one another if they were being honest), is not lost to me. That they are frightened and have indoctrinated themselves into being incapable of thinking and feeling their way out of it may be insurmountable. But still, that defines them, not us, and we should respond with kindness and compassion. Torches and rocks often need to be met with torches and rocks, as reason has failed and has no power there, but as a last resort. We are not here to be abused. Tolerance has its limits; those should not be selfish ones. Never do with a stick that which can be done with kindness.

We are sad and lonely because we make each other that way. When we stop, and instead seek to make each other happy, safe and loved, then we have found that nirvana of humanness. Until then, we remain sad, lonely and in despair, pretending to be happy, and holding close those rare moments of true happiness. This is our greatest shame, and our most desired dream.

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