On dying...

This is my end. It is a good end, to a life well lived in service. My reward cometh! He closed his eyes, feeling less with every moment. Archdeacon Ferrand and Father Ferdinand were annoiting him. A wave of fear and uncertainty passed through him. He shook inwardly as he heard Father Ferdinand plead, "Father, take our brother, Tomas de Torquemada into Your loving embrace, forgive him his sins, and give him life everlasting!"  Yes, Father, forgive me my sins.... He felt a profound grief with this for he no more wanted to die than he had wanted to suffer these end of days, and he had suffered geatly. He found this awkward, as he should be filled with the ecstasy of his rapture, but instead of looking with joy to being in heaven with the Lord and God he felt anxious, fearful. He was afraid of dying as it came upon him.  He was ashamed... surely this was no last moment loss of faith after a lifetime of sacrifice?  It was becoming hard to remain awake, the room beginning to fade, focusing into a bright light that came upon him, and took him in. With it he felt calm again, peace and warmth, no more suffering. He felt drawn into it, and lifted! He was on his way!

And suddenly, there was darkness, nothingness. Then nothing at all.

He felt a deep sense of disappointment...